I bet he comes in French.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Randomize
