my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish you could order shots online.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
