Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
