i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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