Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
bring money and cleavage
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
