After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
