yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
