Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
