She is in my trunk
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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