plz talk dirty to me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
