I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
