She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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