I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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