I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
