Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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