there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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