Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize