Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
