so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
