He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
