I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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