Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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