i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
