Whod you bang
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
