I got chris browned last night
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
