i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
