I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I need moral support for this bender
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
