i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
