Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
