your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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