kristin has been a bad kristin
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
