She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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