Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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