Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
