He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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