booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I deserve this hangover.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
