Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
