You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
they need to just BURY HIM!
operation harelip BJ is a go
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize