shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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