dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
