I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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