Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
