So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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