O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
