She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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