What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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