I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
