dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
