I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
