My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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