I cockslap morals
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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