She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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