just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
