ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Need sex. Gaining weight.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
