oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You took a bar mat shot.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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