My first STD was from a foam party
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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