stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
