PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
