i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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