it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
