Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
