Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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