My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
