I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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