I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can I color on your dick again?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
