I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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