I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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