Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
