you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
