I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
