I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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