Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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