i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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