I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
