If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize