where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
