In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
