Who did Billy Mays play for?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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