There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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