But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
