Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
