So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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