You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
