she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
