sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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