I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
