haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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