Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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