he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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