Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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