I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
