yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
