My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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