it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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