toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
