were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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