you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
