I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
home. puking in laundry basket.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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