He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
