after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
