I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
