bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
