Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
