I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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