He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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