I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
