Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
