When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need water and some morals
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
