Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
