That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
