i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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