That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
