So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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