'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
