using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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