I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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