Someone shit on the floor
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
