All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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